Hindsight
by Trufreak89
Summary: The story of the infamous first kiss, as told by a fourteen year old Naomi.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Hindsight

**Summary: **The story of the infamous first kiss, told from a fourteen year old Naomi's POV.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Skins or anything related to the show.

**Rating: **T

I hate parties. What I hate more than parties is fifteen year old arseholes getting drunk at said parties and trying to rave it up like it's nineteen ninety-nine. In actual fact the 'rave' I'm currently being forced in to attending consists of twenty or so teenagers with glow sticks and alcopops crammed in to a two bedroom semi-detached with the latest ministry of sound CD blaring out of the speakers. The volume is turned up far too high for the speakers to handle and the music is coming out cracked and distorted.

The music is giving me a headache and the glow sticks are getting right on my tits. I have a bottle of vodka to myself, the perks of having a bohemian mother I suppose, and it's the only weapon I have in this god forsaken place. Friends from school have dragged me here and fucked off somewhere among the mass of pulsating bodies.

I gave up trying to find them ages ago and so I just fight my way through the crowd and make my way out in to the back garden. It's mid-September and the night air is unseasonally warm. It's quieter out here and I can finally hear myself think. Not that I have any intentions of remaining sober enough to think. I'm not quite at mortal yet, but I'm just past tipsy. I don't usually get wasted when I'm out, but I caught sight of _her. _

The loud mouthed fiery redhead I suffered with through all of middle school. Katie fucking Finch. We go to different high schools but I guess the party was pretty much open to anyone. She's loud and obnoxious, one of those look-at-me-aren't-my-tits-lush kind of girls that I loathe. Not that I've exchanged more than two words with the girl. Her presence at the party has mostly unnerved me not because of Katie herself, but because wherever Katie Finch goes her twin Emily is sure to follow. Even saying her name sends shivers running up and down my spine. And I fucking hate it.

I'm not one of those pathetic saps who believe in soul mates and love at first sight...

Except I sort of fell in love with Emily Finch the first time I saw her.

She's small and cute, honest and genuine; everything her loud mouth sister isn't. I had just turned twelve when I started middle school with her, and unfortunately twelve is a very delicate age to be presented with the question of your sexuality. So naturally I went out of my way to avoid Emily at all cost and lost my virginity to a boy at the age of thirteen and a half. Sadly thirteen and a half is also the seconds said sex lasted.

I sit down on the lawn, my bottle clutched in my hands and my head tilted up to look at the stars, happy in my solitude. "Hi." I don't need to look down to know the voice that has just greeted me. I may have never spoken to Emily, but her husky voice is unmistakable. I feel my cheeks redden as I finally force my eyes to look at her.

The sight of the redhead blows my mind. She's wearing a purple and white flowery dress, which shows off an impressive cleavage for a fourteen year old, over yellow leggings which define her slim shapely legs. Her hair is loose and curled. Her lips are ruby red and they're curled up in to a smile. "It's Naomi, right?"

"Emily." I reply, my lips moving before my mind can catch up to them.

"No, that's my name." She giggles and I can tell she's just past tipsy as she stumbles over to me and plants herself down on the grass beside me. I hate the fact that I've just made a complete tit of myself in front of the girl I am madly in love with, despite the fact that I don't actually know her and I'm straight. I'm tempted to say something bitchy like I thought she was Katie, but as she looks up at the starry sky she looks so wide eyed and innocent and all my bitchiness melts away.

"Eugh. This stuff is rank." She pulls a face as she takes a mouthful of low sugar Bicardi breezer. No doubt Katie has told her to drink it. I unscrew my litre bottle of cheap vodka and take a large gulp for a little courage of the Dutch kind. Then I take the bottle from her hand and replace it with my own. She smiles at me before taking a large swig of the bottle. I press her half empty alcopop to my lips and try not to think of how her own lips have been wrapped around the same bottle. I down it in one and then toss the bottle aside.

Emily pulls another face as she hands me the bottle back. Our fingers brush and I almost drop the heavy bottle. "Eugh." Straight cheap vodka is not something that should be necked.

"Never said it was much better." I laugh, a drunken confidence settling over me. Emily laughs with me and sitting with her feels so easy that I start to wonder why I've never plucked up the courage to speak to her before.

"You didn't look like you were having much fun in there?" Emily smiles at me and I feel so light heated that I think I'm about to pass out. I take another mouthful of vodka and it begins to numb the sensation. Story of my life.

Has she been watching me tonight? Did she see me come outside and follow me?

_Of course Naomi_. Katie Fitch's very straight twin sister followed you outside because she wants to fuck you senseless over the BBQ pit. I try and shake the stupid thoughts that race through my mind and take another gulp. Emily takes the bottle from me as I go to raise it and grins as she takes another shot. "I don't really like parties."

I snort at this. I can't help it, apparently bitchy Naomi is still lurking beneath my calm inebriated exterior. "Your Katie fucking Finch's twin sister." My laughter dies as I take in the hurt expression on her face. She snatches the bottle away from me, trying to match me shot for shot, and shrugs.

"We're not totally the same you know." Her words send shudders through me, or maybe they're more to do with her knee which is pressed in to my thigh. My lips are dry and my heart is thudding against my rib cage. My God, I'm not even fifteen yet and I'm going to have a heart attack.

I think I must be shaking because she says something about me being cold and pulls off her cardigan. She places it over my shoulders, her red curls brushing against my face as she leans over to place it. I feel a throbbing between my legs and try not to whimper as she pulls away and settles back down on the grass.  
"You- you'll get cold." I somehow manage to choke the words out. She shrugs and moves in closer to me so that our sides are flush against each other. The ache between my legs intensifies and I have to drink just to take my mind off the feel of her hot flesh pressed against my bare arms. Dear God she's trying to kill me.

"Maybe we should go back in?" She suggests as she begins to shiver. The night has turned cooler and feels more like Autumn should. I nod, not trusting myself to choke out any more words. Inside, with the heaving mass of bodies and the watchful eyes of Katie Fitch, will be much safer. For both of us.

She gets to her feet with my bottle of vodka in one hand and holds the other out for me. I take her hand and feel the walls I've built around myself slowly crumble as our hands fit perfectly together. She giggles and I'm not sure why, so I just grin like an idiot and follow her inside. I expect her to lead us in to the living room where most of the party-goers have congregated. But once we pass through the kitchen she drags me up the stairs and in to one of the bedrooms. She shuts the door behind us, drowning out the noise of the party. My legs collapse beneath me as I stumble over to the bed. Emily walks over to the ipod dock sitting on the bedside cabinet of who ever has thrown this party. I'm not quite sure I even know them. She puts in her own ipod and presses shuffle. The first song to play is by Paramore and I feel my self smiling. I don't know anyone else who is listening to this band yet.

We sit on the bed, quietly drinking in the atmosphere, as well as more of the vodka. Emily takes my phone from me without asking and puts in her number. She takes out her own phone and repeats the process. Four songs pass and we still haven't said a word. They're all little known, quirky bands and I think I've fallen in love with Emily Fitch's music taste. That is until Aqua's I'm a 'Barbie Girl' starts blasting and I'm overcome with a fit of giggles as she scrambles off the bed and skips to the next track. It's something slow and mostly instrumental and it lulls me back in to the drunken stupor I seem to have spent the last hour in. Her cheeks are the same colour as her hair as she sits back down on the bed; well more like lies down, her small lithe frame cuddles up beside me and I feel a matching blush spread over my entire body.

I'm drunk enough to let myself relax and I lie down beside her. My knees brushes against her leg and I feel her shudder. A ripple of excitement runs through me.

_We're not totally the same you know. _

Does Emily Fitch have a secret? I giggle and she looks at me inquisitively. "I was just wondering what Katie would say if she saw us up here." I don't know why I say it. Maybe my bitchy side is rearing her ugly head again.

"Who gives a shit?" Her reply is a little more defensive than she intended but we both end up laughing all the same. "Besides, it's not like we're doing anything wrong." Except she is because her shoes have been kicked off and her bare foot is rubbing against my leg.

"Nope." I agree, aware my fingers are tracing small circles on her forearm. Her skin is soft and delicate and my eyes are transfixed by her lips. I think I could stay here for the rest of my life, lying beside the red-headed goddess.

"Nothing at all." Emily agrees, an impish smile dancing on her lips.

She moves forward and suddenly those lips are pressed against my own. My mind shuts down and I'm just lying there with Emily lying half on top of me, her lips pressed against mine, desperately waiting for some sort of reaction from me. She goes to pull away, obviously frightened she's made a fool of herself. Her lips have barely left mine when I lurch forward and crush our lips together again. She groans in to the kiss and the ache between my legs has become unbearable. Our positions shift and somehow I'm on top of her. Her bony knee is stuck between my legs and if she doesn't stop wriggling I think I'm going to pass out. Her knee pushes harder against my cunt and I gasp in to the kiss. The red-headed temptress knows exactly what she's doing.

I pull away just long enough to catch some air and Emily looks up at me with big wide eyes. I've been in love with a stranger for three years. It's taken three long years and half a bottle of vodka for me to get the courage to even speak to her and now here we are. I'm lying on top of her and she's looking up at me expectantly. How far does she want this to go? Is this some sort of drunken mistake? A phase? Or does she feel the same way about me?

Can two strangers lock eyes for a second and fall instantly and irrecoverably in love with one another?

I have to tell her. This could be the only shot I get.

"Emily I-"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Katie Fitch's screaming voice tears my attention away from the Fitch beneath me. She storms in to the room and drags me off her sister by my hair. I scream furiously and push her away. I expect Emily to jump in and defend me. To tell her sister she was an active and willing participant in our little debauchery. She jumps up, but doesn't even look me in the eye as she drags Katie away from me. She walks out of the room and doesn't look back once.

A few days later I sit in my room and stare at my phone. Emily's number stares back at me, daring me to make the call. I toss the phone aside. I've had three days of hell at school thanks to a friend of Katie's spreading it around that I'm gay. Running my hands through my hair I sigh and shake my head.

Fuck it. She hasn't rang me. Not even a lousy text.

That was the first time Emily Fitch let me down. I swore I would never give her the chance to hurt me again and I dived back in to my usual routine of sex, drugs and drink to numb the pain as I built my walls back up. Just over a year and a half later I sit at the back of the auditorium in Round View College. My eyes scan the crowd for familiar faces before catching sight of two redheads. The smallest one turns and catches me looking. She smiles uncertainly and I feel the familiar longing welling up inside of me. I don't return the smile. I look away as though I haven't seen her. From the corner of my eye I catch her face fall.

It breaks my heart all over again.

**A/N: **I got the inspiration to write this from the last episode of series four, when Naomi confesses she's been in love with Emily since she was twelve years old. Hindsight is after all a wonderful thing. I had intended for this to be a one shot, but I got really in to writing this. I've decided to do each chapter as an episode from series three told from Naomi's POV.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own Skins...shame.

**Rating: **T

**A/N: **Apologies for how long it's taken me to update. I have three jobs and a fiancée, so it's hard to find time to write at the moment.

I thought college would be a fresh start. A chance to wipe the slate clean and reinvent myself. Except everything's fucked up once again because Katie fucking Fitch is sitting a few rows behind me, telling anyone who will listen that I'm a raving dyke who tried to molest her oh-so-innocent twin. Because of course Emily Fitch isn't gay.

I can feel her eyes burning in to the back of my skull and it takes all of my will power not to turn around and meet her gaze. The first time I stared in to her eyes she took my heart. I think I'd physically explode if I tried to look her in the eye again. I've been head over heels in love with her for four years. We've had one conversation our entire lives. Which coincidentally is also the same amount of drunken kisses we've shared.

I'm scared to look at her. I feel like she's Medusa or something. As in if I look her in the eye I'll turn to stone. Not in the she's ugly as sin and has snakes for hair kind of way. Emily Fitch is quite simply beautiful. And her hair is a gorgeous red that caught my attention the second I walked in to the hall. My fingers are itching to run through it. Not that I'm gay.

I mean, gay or straight, man or woman, you can't deny that Emily Fitch is breathtakingly beautiful. She doesn't over do it with the make up like Katie. She doesn't need to put on a load of slap and have an attitude to get attention. The less dominant twin demands your attention simply by being.

I can hear Katie talking about me and feel my temper rising. I turn to confront her and find myself looking straight at Emily. She looks so lost and lonely in Katie's shadow. She looks away and my stomach drops. She looks back again and my heart leaps. I shouldn't still love her. Not after what she did to me.

Katie's whispering something in her ear and I can tell she's not listening. I imagine she learnt to block her sister out a long time ago. I expect to see regret written all over her face. Like I'm the biggest mistake she ever made. I think it would be easier to ignore her if she did look ashamed or guilty. But she doesn't.

She stares right at me, this little half smile on her lips. Her eyes are full of hope and her expression is optimistic. I'm really glad we're separated by several dozen people, or else I don't think I'd be able to resist the sudden urge I have to steal that smile from her lips. Her soft full lips that taste like cherry lip balm and cheap vodka...

I feel like she's stealing my soul just by looking at me. And that's really unfair, because she already has my heart. I can't afford to lose anything else to her. Her gaze becomes inquisitive as she tries to gauge my reaction to her staring at me. I try to look indignant. Outraged that she has the audacity to openly watch me. I feel my body shaking on the inside as I watch her out of the corner of my eye. I can't believe I'm terrified of a tiny redhead. She offers me a tentative smile and my gaze quickly snaps back to the front of the assembly. I don't smile back at her. I don't acknowledge her in the slightest. I do nothing. Which is exactly what she did the night Katie caught us kissing. Correction, caught _her _kissing _me. _She let Katie spread rumours about me being gay. Stood back and did nothing as her twin spread vicious lies about how I tried to molest poor little Emily. So the girl I was madly in love with, despite being very straight of course, built my hopes up and then tore my heart out. Is it any wonder I have trust issues?

I risk a sneaky glance at her out of the corner of my eye and feel my heart break all over again. She looks so crest fallen. She rolls her eyes as Katie continues to bend her ear about something or other. Probably talking about herself again. Conceited bitch.

They call out names for form classes. Emily and Katie are together. No surprise there. Emily doesn't look thrilled about it though. They call a few more names and finally get to mine. Which of course gets a few laughs. Just another reason to not draw any more attention to myself.

I had to get put in the same form as _her._ And her fucking sister! I'm going to have to face them both every morning until June. Hopefully Katie will fail everything and drop out before Christmas. Emily has that little half smile on her lips again as she realises we're going to be in the same form.

It's going to be a long year.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Soooo…I forgot about this fic. I was looking through my unfinished stories and found this chapter and half of the next one. Can't promise when the next chapter will be up, though it won't take quite as long as this one did.

"Don't go." Her eyes are wide and pleading and she's starting to tear down the defenses I've spent so long building around myself. I can't let her in. I can't stay. I should never have agreed to come out for Cook's stupid party anyway.  
"Why?" My tone is as cold as my expression and I really hope it's enough to get her to just give up and walk back inside the club. I don't think I can make my request any more obvious. Just give up on me Emily. Please? I have. It's easy. Honest.

"I don't know...because..." She doesn't finish. Can't finish. Maybe if she could give me a reason. If she could just tell me she's gay, that she doesn't regret that night that seems so long ago now...if she could just say anything, rather than look at me with those pleading eyes. She looks so lost and pathetic. Like she's the victim in all of this. That just pisses me off more and I demand to know why her sister thinks I'm the one that's gay. She apologises. Like it could make up for the years of torment all through high school. Like her apology can make a difference. Like it can make me different.

"See you around Emily." I turn and walk away, amazed at how calm my voice just sounded. I keep my head held up high until I'm far away from Emily Fitch. My vision begins to blur at the same time as my legs turn to jelly and my knees buckle beneath me. The pavement lurches forward and I sink to the ground, tucking my knees in to my chest as sobs wreck my body. I can't stop crying and I don't even know who I'm crying for. Me or Emily?

It's late when I finally stumble home. I've had far too much to drink in a dingy little pub a few streets away. The kind of place that doesn't ask for ID as long as you don't make any trouble. I've been drinking there since I was fourteen. My house is full of strangers, as per usual. At least my room is empty. I look my bedroom door behind me, preserving my precious sanctuary.

I peel off my clothes, and wipe away my makeup. I don't really know why I bothered to get dressed up. Or why I even bothered to go. James Cook's birthday party is hardly the social event of the year. Except Emily invited me and somehow when I answered her the wrong words came out. Last time I checked 'yeah, might do' was not the same as 'I don't want to be anywhere near you because I'm afraid you're going to break me'. Though in hindsight 'yeah, maybe' was probably a bit more of a socially acceptable response.

My phone buzzes beside me, disturbing me from my inner ramblings. The number that flashes up on the screen has been on my phone for over two years and has never called. Never even sent a text. I'm not even sure why I kept Emily's number all this time. I can't say it wasn't a conscious decision, I've had two phones since she put her number in to my old mobile.

"Hello?" I make my voice sound as uninterested as possible. Inside my chest my heart is pounding.  
"Hey." Emily's voice is as warm and enticing as ever. "How are you?  
"Tired." For the first time in a long while I'm being honest with her. It's something small and insignificant, but it's a start.  
"Do you want me to go?"

Isn't that the million dollar question? I want to be happy. And I want Emily Fitch. Badly. But the two don't go together. Not really. She's nothing but heartache and I need to keep the distance between us. "No." I finally answer. The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. I think maybe she's put the phone down, but eventually she speaks.  
"Did you get home okay?"  
"Yeah. You?" I lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as she tells me all about the rest of the night's events.  
"Katie's fucked off to town with Effy and Panda so I'm-"

"She left you on your own?" I know I sound a little too concerned for someone who isn't interested, but the thought of her walking the streets of Bristol alone at night sends shivers down my spine.  
"I'm a big girl Naomi." Her laughter is soft and endearing. "I'm nearly home anyway." Despite her objections I order her to stay on the phone until she's safely home. Just to make sure she's safe of course. It has nothing to do with wanting to hear her voice for a little longer.

"Emily?" She's been talking about nothing for twenty minutes non-stop and suddenly she goes quiet.  
"I'm here." She comes back on to the line and it sounds like she's put me on speaker phone. "Just getting changed for bed." I really wish she hadn't told me that because now my mind is full of images of milky white flesh and soft red curls.  
"I should go." I choke out and I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she replies.  
"Oh. Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow?" It's truly amazing how Emily Fitch can so quickly pick herself up every time she's knocked down. Every time I knock her down.

We're in the same form so it's pretty much certain that we're going to see each other tomorrow. Her true question is 'are you actually going to acknowledge me'?  
"See you in the morning." It's not much but it's all I have to offer her right now. "'Night Ems."


End file.
